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Monarchial Republic of Greece
SueTube Wars: Greece vs. Turkey:
Greeks and Turks seem to fight over everything in general, while the most popular topics seem to be football, yoghurt and baklava, a dessert so filled with sugar that it might turn deadly when consumed in large amounts. Because both nations well know they'll get really, really bored if they don't fight with each other on any platform possible, the national sport of both countries have lately been posting stupid videos on SueTube, which mainly consist of curses constructed in really bad grammar. The traditional theme of the videos is generally mothers (from each side) getting gang banged, and surprisingly, goat fucking. No-one knows how interspecies sex can be that big of an insult, but it apparently is a taboo for the youth of both nations, especially when Greeks are pretty much offended by it when they do it more regularly in private.
SueTube fights are held every week between teams of, say, Stavraetos666 and YoungTurkishWolf696969, and the game is continued until one of the teams' leader officially call emo.
The last major conflict occurred in 1989 when the two countries fought over a small pebble that a tourist dropped over the side of a ferry in the Aegean sea. Within minutes, a team of Turkish naval commandos had establish a small but significant presence on the pebble, raising fears in Thessaloniki that soon all pebbles would be seized by tiny little Turk soldiers. The Greek response was to increase domestic corruption, drink frappe and moan about everything so eventually the fuss died down.
Economy
Albert Einstein theory of the Greek time travel used in their every day urban transport. Note that the greek time travel practice in majority still unknown to non-Greeks. This is the confirmation that the modern day Greeks are literally the same people with the Ancient Hellens.
Consists mostly of blackmailing the Republic of Macedonia. Other sectors include taking excessive and unmanageable levels of government debt and then blackmailing the Eurozone into bailing them out before the euro currency collapses and with it the entire Eurozone. Italy is also a leader in this sector, but currently doesn't measure up to the Hellass.
Tourism
If you're bored/curious/hungry enough to enter a taverna alone, don't expect to be served in a long amount of time. In Greece it's very unlikely that someone eats alone. One is usually waiting for someone or else why leave the flat in the first place? For the waiter it will be very impolite to ask for the order before all the guests have arrived. Though this has changed in the major tourist places, and especially for tourists (who are ridiculously easy to spot) but you can still find such behavior in villages most notably in the island of Crete and pretty much in most other islands.
In Greece you must adapt to GMT but in this case GMT stands (or often sits) for "Greek Mostly Time". The Greek people have a very different attitude to time. When the bus is scheduled to come 10:30 it will come between 10 and 11, depending on the traffic, how many people the driver has met and felt he should talk with, and many other small things. Or a local might tell you that the bus will arrive AFTER 4 pm! Then he hasn't promised too much. The Greek people don't live by the clock. The Greeks also have a different opinion about when it's morning, afternoon and evening. You say Good Morning until 12. If you have agreed to meet in the 'afternoon', the earliest meant by this will be 6:00 pm! In Greece, the evening meal begins no earlier than 9:00 pm. Also no one will think anything of it if you phone at 10.00pm at night. However, 'siesta' time, between 3 pm and 5 pm is held to be sacred. During a siesta, though, it is very unpopular (often bordering to dangerous and suicidal) to disturb someone. So it's not an oxymoron to hear loud shouts/screams/curses during siesta. These come from people who value this sacred time and they are addressed at the other 'malakes' who don't and who themselves engage in all sorts of activities which they cannot find another time but this to practice, such as drilling, hammering, furniture rearrangement, high-speed motorcycle drive-by's (no shooting though) etc.
Greeks enjoy the fine art of dance. If you tease them for it, they will promptly curse you out in Greek to show their intellectual superiority, then castrate and decapitate you, just to prove a point.
Demographics
The overwhelming similarities between the Ancient Hellens and the modern day Greeks have induced the first suspicions that they are actually the same people time travelling from past to the present.
Most Hellenes are divided in two categories: Hellenares and Hellenarades. They are mostly the same thing: People who care for nothing more than football, sex, and themselves. When they cause damage, they always blame others. However there is one difference: Hellenares, in opposite to Hellenarades, have some decency when really needed. It is also said that this process is infecting immigrnats as well, with Albanians living in Greece turning into Alvanares and Alvanarades, respectively.
100,001% Ancient Hellens
They are effectively applying the Albert Einstein's time travel theory in the the daily urban transport of Hellashole as shown by the documentary about the Ancient Hellens: Back to the Future.
-100,001% Turks, Macedonians, Albanians and other minorities
The minorities in Hellashole are a non-existent paradox, one of the rare known examples of applied anti-matter physics, they are there and they are not there in the same time and place. They are the basic philosophical implications of Nothing. Commonly they are referred to as Nothing by the Hellashole Government.
There is also the race of "psonia" (bought off-ers). It is complicated but in basic principle it's the young people who believe they are better that everyone else and flaunt it. Similar (or better) to chavs. A psonara (the female) can be spotted on the streets of the rich suburb of Kiffisia with a bird's nest hair style, sipping on a Starbucks frappuchino whereas a psonio (the male) is harder to spot. He has shoulder-length hair or hair-length shoulders, is gorgeous and knows it, very very loud and will hit on anything that moves. Of course, all Greek people use the term loosely for anyone who is annoying them at that moment. Just for the record, you are a psonio too.
Sports
Souvenir depicting ancient greek wrestling.
In term of sports, Greeks adore group sports.
Joint champions with the Turks in the friendly sports competitions organized during the last six centuries. These include such events as "rock climbing", "flag hoisting", "flag lowering", "who's fucking flag is that anyway?", "I can't see, it's too dark", "get that fucking goat off the rock, it's eating the flag", "it's okay, it's not our flag" and "fuck the flag, let´s go for the goat"". These games are usually organized on tiny, utterly useless islands, inhabited by goats, to promote local tourism.
Another important sport is arguing. Greeks do it non-stop, the ferocity with which they argue is directly proportional to the amount of frappé/ouzo in their blood at the time, however, even if sober and sleep deprived, they are the stubbornest people this world has yet to spawn. They will get together and talk about any number of topics, not to make conversation, but to, by trial and error, find a topic that is disagreed upon, and then spend the next 5 hours (minus any possible interference with siesta) arguing over it, usually to find that they have the same basic ideas, just with slightly different details. But now, they're satisfied!
Ancient vase showing wrestlers fighting each other. Notice how the right one is forcefully trying to crush the opponent's arms.
Toss the Macedonians became Greece's national sport after the conquest of Greece by the 'Greek' Macedonians. No literally, they were forced to toss off Macedonians, but they didn't really mind. How else could they keep such firm bodies? It's not like they had stair master or steroids.
Greece's other national sport is sitting and drinking coffee for hours, preferably outdoors (weather permitting and more often than not it is) in squares or (ideally) by the beach. The average duration of a coffee-drinking session is around 3 hours, but the same group of people can be seen occupying a table for as much as 7-8 hours. During that time, members of the group come and go, others leave to run some errands and then return, by the 4th hour none of the original members is on the table, but don't be fooled, it is the same group of people! In popular places it is so hard to get a table, that you just have to hold on to it no matter what. This phenomenon explains the outrageous prices of coffee in Greece, as it's actually the space you re paying for (it's essentially real estate business, not catering). To compare equal things, an espresso costs 3 Euros in Athens and 0.70-1 Euro in "expensive, cosmopolitan" Milan. For other types of coffee, such as Freddo (based on espresso, inspired by the Italians but only known in Greece) you can pay as much as 7 Euros. On a sunny spring day, one can notice the number of 30 year old people who slothfully sip their coffee in outdoor cafes at 11:30 am on a Wednesday, and surprisingly can afford a 6 Euro Freddo, when they're apparently unemployed.
Nowadays wrestling has changed a lot, but the ardent passion of the fighters has remained the same.
The most popular kind of coffee in Greece is the frappé (φραπές, φραπεδιά, φραπόγαλο (with milk), φραπεδούμπα). A sure indication of a good frappé is when it's so thick that the straw doesn't sink in it without having to push it down. Foreigners who wish to try Greek frappé for the first time, should not count on being able to sleep for the following 2 or 3 days and will need to hang anvils from their eyelids if they ever want to close them again.
Greeks will drink coffee at any time of the day, it's common to see people drinking frappè at midnight, before starting their night out (in Greece nobody goes clubbin' before 01:00 am, unless they want to help with cleaning).
EditMythology
Before it became Christian, Greece had its own set of Gods. For example, before (the) Madonna, Aphrodite was the Goddess of love, lust and sex, and is thought to have been the most beautiful made up woman of all time. Apollo was the God of music, prophecies and archery, and was strongly associated with the Sun (although nobody bothered to tell NASA this before sending Tom Hanks into space).
In not too specific an order, other Greek gods to have been seen roaming around town after dark are: Hades (of the underworld), Poseidon (sea and horses – though not seahorses), Hera (marriage and childbirth), Dionysus (wine, parties, bit of a dude), Hephaestus (an inflammation of liver tissue), and finally of course Zeus, King of all the Gods.
Και εδω ειναι το λινκ: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Greece (http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Greece)
Δεν είναι όλο καλό αλλά έχει την πλάκα του.
Πάντως το έχει γράψει Έλληνας.Το ύφος τον προδίδει
καθώς και η ειδική μνεία σε λέξεις που οι ξένοι δεν
μπορούν καν να προφέρουν.